A Bittersweet Mother’s Day

Holidays are not always happy for everyone, especially if the day reminds you of someone or something that's painful. Hallmark stores are filled with cards for Mother's Day, the very special day we celebrate our moms; but for me, this day has become bittersweet.

Out of necessity, the celebration of motherhood has evolved into a focus of my love as a mother for my own daughter. And on this day in particular, I thought I’d take a few minutes to give you guys a glimpse into my personal life in a way I’ve not shared here or on my social media before. I hope it helps and encourages those of you who may be going through a similar situation.
 
Mother's Day is a mix of emotions for me. I don't have a great relationship with my Mom; in fact, sadly, I haven’t had relationship with her for several years. This is not my choice. I’m sad to say I’ve had to set up boundaries in both my personal and professional life because of the this. It’s not just sad for me, but also for Anthony and Jadyn. I've invited my Mom into the process of counseling with me on many different occasions, hoping we could build the trust back and get to a healthy place. She went to a few sessions total before she stopped going.

Even though the counseling was intended to work through the issues I had with my Mom, after she stopped going, I continued the process because I was discovering things about myself I had never thought about before. Through the process of counseling, I’ve worked hard over the past couple years; learning that a healthy relationship should be a safe place; a place where I can authentically be myself and be loved and accepted as I am; a place where I am free to say how I feel and actually engage in healthy conflict without fear; a place where I am allowed to grow without perfection into the woman that God has called me to be; a place where I have freedom to fail and get back up; a place of healthy boundaries rather than toxic reactions for the sake of avoiding conflict. The space of healthy relationship sits on a foundation of trust.

I didn't always think like this however, before I met Anthony, I was used to sweeping conflict under the rug, acting like things never happened (and of course that only lasts for so long before you hit a boiling point of unsolved issues). As you might imagine, I brought this problem-solving model into my dating relationship with him. Anthony wanted to talk evvvverything out and I was definitely not used to that. It felt uncomfortable and exhausting addressing things all the way through until we were able to work it out. Now, one of the biggest strengths of our relationship is our communication and how we solve problems together. And as a mother to Jadyn, I can't fathom holding a mindset of not wanting to talk things through to resolution.

If you're reading this and you've ever considered speaking with a counselor, but were nervous what people would think, I really encourage you to find one from recommendation from friends or family and take that first step in speaking with someone. Counseling is a journey of discovery into your own self and is a safe place where you can receive perspective for self-reflection. Everyone needs a safe place where they can discover their blind spots, heal through them, and grow into healthy relationships the way God intended.


  
This Mother's Day has me really reflecting on what kind of mom I want to be as Jadyn is growing up so quickly, I don't want to take the time with her for granted:
 
– I want to provide a safe place she feels loved, seen, safe and soothed. I want her to feel free to speak her mind, even if I disagree with it.
 
– I want to always encourage her to pursue her passions, even if those passions are not what I envisioned for her.
 
– I want her to learn how to deal with conflict in her life in a healthy manner that cements relationships rather than breaks them.

mother's day

In life situations that don't look ideal, know there's always a way to find something positive in the midst of it. I personally love the Scripture: “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him…” (Romans 8:28).
 
Today I'm reflecting on so much good that's in my life and the healthy place I’ve grown into because of a situation that doesn't seem ideal- I'm thankful that God really does work in mysterious ways. I've never stopped praying for my Mom and this has given me a depth of understanding and empathy for her in a way I didn't have before. I will continue to hold hope that my Mom will accept the outstanding invitation to enter into the counseling process with me so we can be reconciled into a healthy relationship. Until then, I will thank God for my life and celebrate the relationship I have with my own daughter.

xx Brittany
 
 
 
 

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72 Comments

  1. pia May 14, 2017 at 3:14 am

    I’m sorry to hear about your relationship with your mother! But I’m glad to hear you are going to counseling to work out the problems at least for yourself. :)
    Fash ‘n’ fudge

    Reply
  2. Lara May 14, 2017 at 4:53 am

    This honestly made me cry… Such beautiful words and your attitude towards the circumstances is admirable. Thank you for this, for sharing with us, and happy mother’s day!

    Reply
  3. Maria May 14, 2017 at 6:50 am

    This was such an encouraging and thought-provoking post. Thank you a million times over for writing this. God bless you and your family!

    Reply
  4. Jenna May 14, 2017 at 8:14 am

    Thank you for your honesty and heartfelt post. I always find these meaningful posts from bloggers help better connect to your readers. You all of a sudden become “real.” So even though it might have been difficult being vulnerable, know that we appreciate you sharing part of your story.

    Reply
  5. Erin May 14, 2017 at 9:15 am

    This was so beautifully articulated. Thank you for sharing this and it is so helpful to so many people! You seem like an amazing mother and Jadyn is lucky to have you xx, Erin – http://www.stylebythepeople.com

    Reply
  6. Nicole May 14, 2017 at 9:26 am

    This is why you’re one of the only bloggers I still bother following. Thank you for being vulnerable, and for showing us such a real side of you. Jadyn’s lucky to have such a wonderful mom. Much love! Xoxo.

    Reply
  7. Vanessa May 14, 2017 at 9:33 am

    Thank you for sharing. This is spot on my life, and reading your words is encouraging for me. I am currently expecting a little girl, and all I want is to have a more loving and healthy relationship with her than I have with my own mother. Thank you, and Happy Mother’s Day!

    Reply
  8. Mariella May 14, 2017 at 9:43 am

    I can relate somehow to your story. Thanks for being a great human being! Happy mother’s day!! Looking at Jadyn, I can tell you are a geat one :)

    Reply
  9. Shannon D'Noffria May 14, 2017 at 9:51 am

    This is beautiful ! I had a extremely strained relationship with my father and he is no longer with us. He passed away 3 years ago. I wish I could have worked through my issues with him before he passed but on many ovations he was unable to addresss anything from the past. Through therapy I was able to come to terms with it and now have been able to finally allow myself to be loved and love my husband. Thank you for putting yourself out there and addressing this issue. You are a beautiful person inside and out. Your daughter and your husband are blessed to have you in their lives.

    Reply
  10. Kelly May 14, 2017 at 9:52 am

    Thanks for sharing and being so vulnerable. Hope you have a lovely Mother’s Day xxx PS. That’s one of my favourite scriptures too :)

    Reply
  11. Maria May 14, 2017 at 9:52 am

    This is a beautiful dedication to Mother’s day. It doesn’t always have to be what Hallmark decides, we can celebrate holidays however we wish. It’s a wonderful thing to allow our writing be inspiring to others, thank you for sharing. Happy Mother’s day, xo
    http://savvynista.com

    Reply
  12. Susan May 14, 2017 at 9:57 am

    So so beautiful. You have a beautiful family! Thanks for sharing.

    Reply
  13. vena May 14, 2017 at 10:00 am

    Happy mothers day! Thank you for taking the time to share your story & always remember being a mom is one of the hardest jobs you will ever love.
    God’s got you!

    Reply
  14. Joling May 14, 2017 at 10:01 am

    Thank you so much for sharing this! Your story really encourages me. You and your daughter are so lucky to have each other. Happy Mother’s Day!

    Reply
  15. Tara May 14, 2017 at 10:03 am

    Thanks you for sharing especially since there are so many stories and social media posts about the wonderful relationship some women have with their mother. I had a difficult relationship with my mother as well. Unfortunately, she passed away before we could totally resolve things. This is a bitter sweet day for me as well and I try to be a better mother because of my experience. No matter what I am grateful to the woman who raised me and continue to honor her. Hoping you and your mom find healing.

    Reply
  16. SHANTEL ROUSSEAU (@ShantelRousseau) May 14, 2017 at 10:07 am

    Great post. Thanks for getting to deep and sharing this with us. I think it’s so important to show empathy on days like these, because not everyone is celebrating. Mother’s Day can be bittersweet or down right shitty for a lot of people. Sending so many blessings to you and your family!

    Happy Mother’s Day!

    xxo.
    SimplyShantel.com

    Reply
  17. Adelina May 14, 2017 at 10:10 am

    Thank you for sharing this heartfelt post sweetheart! We can’t always have it perfect with our family but we certainly can control our own actions and be who God has intended us to be for ourselves and for those around us like you said. You are a wonderful momma to Jadyn and that shows through everything you share with us! She’s blessed to have you! Happy Mother’s Day!

    http://www.thecharmingolive.com
    xx, Adelina

    Reply
  18. Kat @ Carrie Bradshaw Lied May 14, 2017 at 10:21 am

    Wow – so beautifully said. I’m so sorry to hear that you’ve been going through this difficult time with your own mom, but you are such an incredible mom and it’s clear that this experience has helped you grow into your own role as a mother in the most beautiful way. XOXO

    Reply
  19. Joella May 14, 2017 at 10:28 am

    This post was like you were talking about me and my relationship with my own mother. Thank you for being so honest and sharing your heart. Gods plans for us can turn into ones we don’t always understand but he is definitely the one who knows best. Happy Mother’s Day to you. 🌹

    Reply
  20. Angela May 14, 2017 at 10:32 am

    This was probably extremely hard to write but I’m so proud you used your growing platform to address it. Thank you for being strong and sharing your story to all of us. It made me step back and realize fashion bloggers/influencers are just regular people with deep rooted issues, too. Happy Mother’s Day Brittany, and thank you for being my favorite influencer to keep up with. I remember when you posted the thrifts you’d find at your local good will. It’s amazing to see how far you’ve come. You deserve every inch of goodness that has come and WILL come your way!

    Reply
  21. La Bijoux Bella | by mia May 14, 2017 at 10:34 am

    Keep strong and positive in your outlook, life does not always gives us a smile …. throughout all this you learn and live continue on the path of righteousness … perhaps one day things will fall in to greatness. For now enjoy a Happpy Mother’s Day because you are a great one at it! :)

    🌸LA BIJOUX BELLA 🌸| By Mia | A Creative Lifestyle Blog

    Reply
  22. Chelsea Balderston May 14, 2017 at 10:41 am

    Wow, Brittany, thank you so much for your openness and vulnerability in sharing this. I feel like so many people are not willing to engage in these types of honest conversations on social media, but the truth of the matter is, these are things that sooo many people are dealing with and struggling with. Counseling can be so healing on many levels. I pray that God would continue to give you the strength and grace to actively pursue a healthy relationship with your mom and that he would soften her heart and allow her to be receptive to your invitation. Jadyn is so lucky to have such a kind, loving, God-honoring woman as her mother. May God continue to bless you and your family as you raise Jadyn to know, honor, and serve Him. Happy Mother’s Day, beautiful! xo Chelsea

    Reply
  23. Shan May 14, 2017 at 10:43 am

    Wow, this was so truthful and sad. I can not imagine my mom not being a part of my life, so I can’t imagine how hard it must be for you. However, you are a wonderful mom to your babe and she is very blessed to have you in her life

    Happy Mother’s Day
    Shan xxx

    Reply
  24. Irina May 14, 2017 at 10:49 am

    Thank you for being real, vulnerable and transparent. I also don’t have the best relationship with my mom but God has used what the enemy intended for bad and made it good. I am a stronger woman today because of it. I love the posts where you get a little bit more personal! So encouraging. As much as I love fashion, I love the people and journeys behind the clothes even more. Especially you! Keep doing your thing. You are inspiring xox Irina.

    Reply
  25. Emily Emig May 14, 2017 at 11:03 am

    This is a beautiful post, Happy Mother’s Day 💕

    Reply
  26. Erin Czar May 14, 2017 at 11:05 am

    Thanks so much for the personal share! It’s really nice to see that side of you! You seem so perfect and amazing so it’s nice to hear what you went through and how you were able to not get dragged down by it! Inspiring!

    Reply
  27. Deb May 14, 2017 at 11:22 am

    I really appreciated your sharing too… not only did you break the chain of dysfunction with your own daughter but I bet you have inspired others with your post. I hope you feel proud in your efforts to heal your relationship with your mother even though it didn’t bear the fruit you had hoped for. As a therapist for over 25 years I feel encouraged when people take risks and share publically their struggles with relationships, as that helps heal the shame we all feel.

    Reply
  28. Leslie May 14, 2017 at 12:24 pm

    This was a great post Brittany. I pray the Lord continues to use you and your life as an encouragement to others. Happy Mothers Day!

    Xx,
    Leslie / @hautemommie / http://www.thehautemommie.com

    Reply
  29. Elizabeth May 14, 2017 at 2:23 pm

    Thank you so much for sharing such a personal excerpt of your life, Brittany. I’m so happy that you are able to have such a healthy and happy relationship with Jadyn and Anthony. You all deserve all of the happiness in the world. Happy Mother’s Day to you, and thank you for always being so inspiring.

    XO, Elizabeth

    Reply
  30. Julia May 14, 2017 at 4:19 pm

    Absolutely love this! I’m sorry you don’t have a good relationship with your mom, but I pray God works in this situation. I must say, it’s so refreshing to see a blogger who isn’t afraid to speak of her faith in the Lord. God bless you and happy Mother’s Day!

    Reply
  31. Julia-Canada May 14, 2017 at 5:11 pm

    That was a lovely sentiment. Thanks for sharing!

    Reply
  32. Lindsey May 14, 2017 at 5:55 pm

    Thank you so much for opening up like this. From what I can gather, you are a wonderful mother, and Jadyn is so lucky! Wishing you the happiest Mother’s Day with lots of love :)

    Love, Lindsey
    http://www.thenomisniche.com/

    Reply
  33. Shiloh May 14, 2017 at 6:15 pm

    Thank you for having the trust in us, your audience, to be so courageous to write about this. As a psychologist, I also thank you for helping to tear down the stigma of counseling. You are raising one strong and loved young lady!

    Reply
  34. Janiece May 14, 2017 at 6:37 pm

    Thank you so much for sharing! I don’t have a relationship with my mom either so it’s nice to hear there are others out there that understand my situation. Now that I’m a mom it gives me such a different perspective and I know that I’m going to break the mold and have a healthier and more positive relationship with my son. You’re an amazing mom!! Happy Mother’s Day!!!

    Reply
  35. Madelin May 14, 2017 at 7:10 pm

    Beautiful post! Thank you for sharing something so intimate with us. The photographs are stunning. Love the location. Happy Mothers Day! ❤️

    Reply
  36. Tsvetelina May 14, 2017 at 8:08 pm

    Happy Mother’s Day! This was such an amazing post. I have an amazing relationship with my mom and I always cherish that. We do argue but she is my biggest fan and best friend. As of your mom, I guess there is something very deep. She is missing something so big that money can’t buy (seeing her daughter succeeding in life). You are a role model and your daughter will value that.

    Love,
    Tsvetelina

    Reply
  37. Heidi S. May 14, 2017 at 8:36 pm

    You are standing on solid ground. Thanks for sharing your story as a means to help others.

    Reply
  38. Vaishali May 14, 2017 at 11:41 pm

    I feel sad to know about your relationship with your mother but Great that you tried to work on it. I have been following you for a while and I have seen how awesome mom you are to Jadyn. You both look pretty in the post. Happy Mothers Day sweetheart.
    Vaishali
    http://www.vivaciouswish.com/

    Reply
  39. Lauren May 15, 2017 at 12:32 am

    This post was absolutely beautiful to read. My mom is my best friend, and I think Jadyn is very lucky to have you in her life.
    Thank you for sharing such a personal post Brittany. Xxx

    Reply
  40. Adriana May 15, 2017 at 2:56 am

    I feel so sorry about your relationship with your mother. Thank you for your share.
    You look like such a cool mom to Jadyn. These pictures look amazing!
    xx

    The Black Blush

    Reply
  41. sabrina May 15, 2017 at 5:37 am

    such a great post! you seem like the most incredible, fun, and more importantly loving mother to Jadyn. she seems like such a smart girl and is growing into her own personality, you should be so proud! I hope you had an enjoyable mothers day.

    Reply
  42. Erin May 15, 2017 at 5:37 am

    Thank you for sharing this. I don’t have a great relationship with my mother either…setting up boundaries and keeping them can be very hard. I’ve been seeing a therapist for about a year and it’s been really helpful. Mother’s Day this year was especially difficult, my grandmother is in hospice care, and I’ve been having trouble conceiving for the last 4 months. It was hard because my mother isn’t mentally stable, my poor grandmother is dying, and I’m not yet a mother myself. Thank you again for your openness and honesty, it’s refreshing and encouraging. Happy Mother’s Day to you, you have a beautiful family!

    Reply
  43. Akia Danielle May 15, 2017 at 5:56 am

    Hi Brittney,
    I just want to send my prayers and love to you and your family. I appreciate you being so open about something heavy in your personal life. I wish you and Anthony all the best in raising a beautiful daughter. This is post is very inspiring to all women going through tough relationships. From one mother, wife, and blogger to another stay strong, positive, and true.

    XO
    Akia Danielle (The East on the West)

    Reply
  44. Sheila Joy May 15, 2017 at 6:25 am

    Thank you for sharing your story, Brittany! It was very inspiring for me and I know it can help so many of your readers. Counseling can benefit anyone and everyone x

    http://www.insearchofsheila.com

    Reply
  45. HER. Boutique May 15, 2017 at 7:37 am

    This is such a an honest and real post, I love it. You and your daughters dresses are so cute, she looks like she adores you!
    xo,
    HER. Boutique
    http://www.herboutique.com

    Reply
  46. jules gardner May 15, 2017 at 12:54 pm

    Beautifully said Brittany as I am sure it is not easy to express your personal thoughts so openly. I am so happy that you and your daughter are experiencing this life together and that she has you to lean on for comfort and support (and you HER!). I am sure this post will help others who have a sense of emptiness inside because of a distant loved one. So thank you for sharing.

    God Bless ~ jules

    Reply
  47. theraghrd May 16, 2017 at 7:55 am

    aw ! love this post too much , as you and your daughter look so pretty good!
    thanks for sharing brittany <3

    Reply
  48. Jasmine K May 16, 2017 at 8:39 am

    Loved reading this. Thank you for being honest. I hope you and your daughter had an amazing Mother’s Day together. You seem to be a wonderful mom!

    – Jasmine K
    http://www.myeunoia.com

    Reply
  49. Shloka May 16, 2017 at 8:52 am

    I think you are so brave for sharing this with us. This takes a lot of heart and soul to write and I really appreciate it. I think that the counselling you went through is so positive for you because it helps you create such an amazing relationship with your daughter that she is going to appreciate so much for all the many years to come <3

    Happy Mothers Day to you beautiful

    x
    Shloka
    http://thesilksneaker.com

    Reply
  50. Rosa May 16, 2017 at 9:57 am

    This is really inspiring to read. I have been considering going to counselling for a while and it feels comforting to hear about other people”s experiences.

    http://ohduckydarling.com

    Reply
  51. Rachel White May 16, 2017 at 10:45 am

    Really brave of you to share this, and inspiring to hear how you dealt with it and didn’t let it bring you down. We have a similar issue with my husband’s Mom and it’s been very hard. Thanks for the great advice on what counseling can do for you! You’re awesome, Brit!

    XO,
    Rach

    Reply
  52. JENNIFER MUPONDA May 16, 2017 at 4:14 pm

    Thank you for sharing Brit…
    I’m one of those pple that believes everything happens for a reason. You’ve certainly learned a lot from that “relationship ” and by sharing you’ve even accomplished so much. I’m also the kind that dies not like to face issues right away, like it to. E on my time and terms.

    Reply
  53. JoAnna May 17, 2017 at 7:57 am

    Wow what a beautiful post of love and redemption. God is in the business of bringing reconciliation just like he has reconciled us to himself. I earnestly pray your mom would have a heart softened to mend and restore what’s been lost. And we know that all things are possible through Him even with the hardest of hearts. Blessings on you sister and your beautiful family xoxoxo

    Reply
  54. Sophia May 17, 2017 at 9:09 am

    I love your heart for God and for your family. I never knew you were a believer. I’ll be praying for you and your mother. God loves to mend broken relationships, he’s done so in my own life with my father and I. Always appreciate how you open your heart to your readers and your impeccable style!

    Reply
  55. Jane May 20, 2017 at 3:24 pm

    I LOVED this – I too have a difficult, now non existent relationship with my mother, so it’s amazing to have some raw vulnerability that I’m not alone in this

    Reply
  56. Isa May 21, 2017 at 12:53 pm

    How courageous of you to be able to share such personal experiences, I’m glad you’re taking the bad and turning it into something positive and good with your own daughter! That’s what’s most important!

    Reply
  57. Ludmila August 7, 2017 at 2:01 pm

    Love this article, really moving pictures. You’re amazing

    Reply

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